








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Wingman | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,759 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1759 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3018 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2052 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1930 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,318,215 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 193 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Essence | 55% | 114 |
| #2 | nono77 | 50% | 32 |
| #3 | Cat | 49% | 114 |
| #4 | klein scusi | 48% | 25 |
| #5 | jdawg | 47% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jdawg | 47% | 64 |
| #6 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 46% | 95 |
| #7 | the awping crooner | 45% | 58 |
| #8 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 44% | 45 |
| #9 | Dog | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 23 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | jdawg | 13 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | The Essence | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 10 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 9 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 209 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | The Essence | 149 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 79 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | jdawg | 66 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 63 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nono77 | +3.01 | 56 | 34 |
| #2 | Cat | +2.64 | 63 | 47 |
| #3 | jdawg | +1.88 | 85 | 46 |
| #4 | The Essence | +1.83 | 74 | 47 |
| #5 | Dog | +1.42 | 68 | 29 |





