








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 297 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4664 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,933 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1620 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2249 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2063 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2001 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,174,831 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 872 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 46% | 76 |
| #10 | jdawg | 46% | 68 |
| #11 | nono77 | 43% | 58 |
| #12 | the awping crooner | 37% | 89 |
| #13 | Pussylicker69 | 27% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bollond #palestineforever | 390 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Cat | 152 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 148 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ty1er | 140 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | blyat | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |





