








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 275 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 444 matches | ||
| Wingman | 64 matches | ||
| Faceit | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




93 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6047 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,674 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3292 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4641 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3461 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3280 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,459,384 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blyat | 49% | 114 |
| #2 | klein scusi | 49% | 103 |
| #3 | Dog | 47% | 78 |
| #4 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 47% | 110 |
| #5 | the awping crooner | 47% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 47% | 110 |
| #5 | the awping crooner | 47% | 140 |
| #6 | The Essence | 46% | 183 |
| #7 | jdawg | 43% | 270 |
| #8 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 37% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jdawg | 37 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 20 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | blyat | 16 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | The Essence | 13 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Dog | 13 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Essence | 288 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | jdawg | 269 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #3 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | 268 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | blyat | 119 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mr-_-PiT #palestineforever | 80 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jdawg | +1.09 | 82 | 42 |
| #2 | The Essence | +1.03 | 72 | 51 |
| #3 | Dog | +0.98 | 66 | 42 |
| #4 | The Pneumothorax Crooner | +0.41 | 35 | 48 |
| #5 | Cat | -0.11 | 50 | 40 |





