








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 287 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 213 matches | ||
| Premier | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 32 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5332 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,148 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10779 | 47% |
| Smokes | 3976 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4782 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3611 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $988,145 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reaper | 17 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Steak From Jake Farm | 13 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | fatmontana | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | <>< | 10 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Carved | 9 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steak From Jake Farm | 600 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | fatmontana | 493 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #3 | Carved | 370 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | <>< | 342 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #5 | Reaper | 290 | 0.09 | 7 min |





