








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 556 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Faceit | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4547 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5037 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4854 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3656 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3953 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,479,115 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | B-Rad | 57% | 183 |
| #3 | JEStERR11 | 56% | 176 |
| #4 | 5URG3 | 55% | 270 |
| #5 | glizzy gobbler | 50% | 131 |
| #6 | Flat Range Operator | 47% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5URG3 | 47 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | JEStERR11 | 20 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Flat Range Operator | 16 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | B-Rad | 13 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | glizzy gobbler | 7 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JEStERR11 | 634 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #2 | glizzy gobbler | 390 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | 5URG3 | 377 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #4 | Flat Range Operator | 180 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | B-Rad | 70 | 0.02 | 2 min |





