








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 216 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2045 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,147 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3841 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4283 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3326 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2697 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $451,055 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 146 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Drew_3415 | 50% | 131 |
| #3 | JEStERR11 | 48% | 171 |
| #4 | B-Rad | 48% | 157 |
| #5 | 5URG3 | 47% | 243 |
| #6 | Flat Range Operator | 39% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5URG3 | 47 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | JEStERR11 | 27 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Flat Range Operator | 14 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | B-Rad | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Drew_3415 | 6 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JEStERR11 | 551 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #2 | Drew_3415 | 391 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #3 | 5URG3 | 294 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | Flat Range Operator | 186 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | B-Rad | 73 | 0.02 | 2 min |





