








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 87 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2060 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,383 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1410 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1478 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1936 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1559 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $526,419 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 240 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | B-Rad | 50% | 142 |
| #3 | JEStERR11 | 50% | 153 |
| #4 | 5URG3 | 49% | 220 |
| #5 | Drew_3415 | 47% | 104 |
| #6 | glizzy gobbler | 39% | 131 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5URG3 | 48 | 0.0105 |
| #2 | JEStERR11 | 25 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | B-Rad | 12 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | glizzy gobbler | 11 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Drew_3415 | 8 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JEStERR11 | 569 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #2 | glizzy gobbler | 419 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | Drew_3415 | 331 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | 5URG3 | 302 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #5 | B-Rad | 42 | 0.01 | 1 min |





