








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 51 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
322 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,221 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 370 | 30% |
| Smokes | 272 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 351 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 228 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $116,731 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dorffi | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | silke | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | nugettiroihu | 65% | 20 |
| #4 | nilo | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Mossad agent #67 | 56% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | AHMED | 56% | 9 |
| #7 | PLUH | 51% | 35 |
| 50% | 8 | ||
| 33% | 3 | ||
| #10 | Kivistön ZywOo | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mossad agent #67 | 3 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | PLUH | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | silke | 2 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | nugettiroihu | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | AHMED | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PLUH | 129 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mossad agent #67 | 99 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | silke | 53 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | nugettiroihu | 27 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | AHMED | 15 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nilo | +7.58 | 74 | 32 |
| #2 | dorffi | +7.01 | 84 | 56 |
| #3 | Mossad agent #67 | +1.72 | 64 | 61 |
| #4 | silke | +1.45 | 57 | 63 |
| #5 | Kivistön ZywOo | +0.74 | 63 | 51 |





