








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 289 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4364 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,255 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3962 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3681 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3150 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3462 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,155,340 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 353 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zenny | 49% | 57 |
| #2 | Octal | 48% | 391 |
| #3 | ImVegan | 45% | 172 |
| #4 | Crow | 43% | 40 |
| #5 | Berry | 42% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ImVegan | 45% | 172 |
| #4 | Crow | 43% | 40 |
| #5 | Berry | 42% | 74 |
| #6 | Traid | 36% | 55 |
| #7 | GearlessJoe | 33% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Octal | 34 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | ImVegan | 31 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | Traid | 9 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Crow | 5 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Berry | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ImVegan | 630 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Octal | 576 | 0.07 | 16 min |
| #3 | Berry | 243 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | GearlessJoe | 169 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #5 | Crow | 133 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crow | +1.17 | 81 | 61 |
| #2 | Pastalover | +0.59 | 66 | 62 |
| #3 | Octal | +0.55 | 66 | 47 |
| #4 | Zenny | -0.02 | 62 | 62 |
| #5 | ImVegan | -0.46 | 52 | 54 |





