








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1420 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,604 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 661 | 18% |
| Smokes | 777 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1598 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 568 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $539,866 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 276 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xyan UNWASHED ASF | 60% | 30 |
| #2 | Brandon. | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | SunnyFarms | 48% | 132 |
| #4 | Intel® Core™ i5-9600K Processor | 48% | 189 |
| #5 | DAWANGJerry | 47% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Intel® Core™ i5-9600K Processor | 48% | 189 |
| #5 | DAWANGJerry | 47% | 32 |
| #6 | Nick1one | 45% | 84 |
| #7 | TaxEvasion | 42% | 90 |
| #8 | Deveneb | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Intel® Core™ i5-9600K Processor | 31 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | SunnyFarms | 24 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | Nick1one | 20 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | TaxEvasion | 19 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | Deveneb | 8 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Intel® Core™ i5-9600K Processor | 371 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | Deveneb | 191 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | Nick1one | 163 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | TaxEvasion | 70 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | DAWANGJerry | 67 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Intel® Core™ i5-9600K Processor | +3.74 | 80 | 53 |
| #2 | Brandon. | +2.62 | 82 | 49 |
| #3 | xyan UNWASHED ASF | +1.75 | 79 | 63 |
| #4 | SunnyFarms | -0.22 | 64 | 31 |
| #5 | Fart_Garfunkel | -0.95 | 65 | 35 |





