








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 69 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
484 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,714 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 574 | 33% |
| Smokes | 287 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 332 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $148,584 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 93 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | JamalJabroneWilliamson | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Notice | 55% | 33 |
| #4 | Absodo | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | Risque-_- | 48% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Absodo | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Steve | 4 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | JamalJabroneWilliamson | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Risque-_- | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Notice | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Absodo | 121 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Risque-_- | 61 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Notice | 58 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | JamalJabroneWilliamson | 55 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Steve | 47 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve | +2.45 | 87 | 58 |
| #2 | Absodo | +1.33 | 80 | 53 |
| #3 | Father | +0.16 | 64 | 59 |
| #4 | JamalJabroneWilliamson | -0.33 | 62 | 65 |
| #5 | Notice | -0.44 | 64 | 50 |





