








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 166 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1254 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,366 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2032 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1163 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1241 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1930 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $378,028 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 140 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tendies | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | D R A G O N | 53% | 47 |
| #3 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | Comrade Crisp | 47% | 163 |
| #5 | JustChillBro | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Plain Lane | 38% | 73 |
| #9 | Real Ted Cruz | 35% | 46 |
| #10 | ST3 Vex♛ | 35% | 26 |
| #11 | Real Donald J. Trump | 33% | 49 |
| #12 | BOT Sadwater | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comrade Crisp | 25 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Zuke | 21 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 9 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Plain Lane | 8 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | D R A G O N | 6 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 299 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | Comrade Crisp | 150 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | D R A G O N | 123 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Plain Lane | 72 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Real Donald J. Trump | 65 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ST3 Vex♛ | +7.37 | 66 | 51 |
| #2 | Tendies | +6.07 | 49 | 53 |
| #3 | ItzKaizen | +4.95 | 69 | 41 |
| #4 | D R A G O N | +3.27 | 60 | 56 |
| #5 | Plain Lane | +2.55 | 47 | 39 |





