








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1522 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 209 matches | ||
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 77 matches | ||
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




147 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,947 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4951 | 17% |
| Smokes | 6001 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 7540 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 11455 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,548,771 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2511 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tendies | 54% | 95 |
| #2 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 50% | 763 |
| #3 | BOT Sadwater | 49% | 139 |
| #4 | ST3 Vex♛ | 49% | 219 |
| #5 | Zuke | 47% | 803 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ItzKaizen | 46% | 99 |
| #9 | D R A G O N | 45% | 152 |
| #10 | Real Donald J. Trump | 42% | 412 |
| #11 | JustChillBro | 42% | 99 |
| #12 | Real Ted Cruz | 37% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 153 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Plain Lane | 126 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 95 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Real Donald J. Trump | 30 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Goldmonk84 | 23 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 1847 | 0.12 | 39 min |
| #2 | ST3 Vex♛ | 508 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | Plain Lane | 491 | 0.04 | 11 min |
| #4 | Goldmonk84 | 404 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #5 | D R A G O N | 382 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ST3 Vex♛ | +6.98 | 66 | 57 |
| #2 | ItzKaizen | +4.82 | 72 | 45 |
| #3 | D R A G O N | +3.65 | 59 | 61 |
| #4 | Plain Lane | +2.51 | 52 | 39 |
| #5 | BOT Sadwater | +1.45 | 48 | 15 |





