








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,066 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2482 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2563 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1778 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1243 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $453,749 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Comrade Crisp | 45% | 152 |
| #7 | Zuke | 45% | 119 |
| #8 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 44% | 108 |
| #9 | Plain Lane | 42% | 96 |
| #10 | ST3 Vex♛ | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comrade Crisp | 15 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Zuke | 15 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 11 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Plain Lane | 11 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Goldmonk84 | 5 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 249 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Comrade Crisp | 156 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | ItzKaizen | 130 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Goldmonk84 | 85 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 71 | 0.03 | 1 min |





