








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 948 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 110 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




108 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,025 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1782 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1743 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 7070 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 4430 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,046,001 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1494 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT Sadwater | 61% | 72 |
| #2 | Tendies | 56% | 119 |
| #3 | Goldmonk84 | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | JustChillBro | 51% | 65 |
| #5 | ST3 Vex♛ | 50% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Zuke | 48% | 590 |
| #9 | ItzKaizen | 45% | 62 |
| #10 | Real Donald J. Trump | 45% | 296 |
| #11 | D R A G O N | 44% | 108 |
| #12 | Real Ted Cruz | 38% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 108 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | Plain Lane | 101 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Comrade Crisp | 94 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | Real Donald J. Trump | 25 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | D R A G O N | 12 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 1362 | 0.12 | 29 min |
| #2 | Comrade Crisp | 776 | 0.05 | 17 min |
| #3 | Plain Lane | 363 | 0.04 | 8 min |
| #4 | ST3 Vex♛ | 302 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | D R A G O N | 274 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ST3 Vex♛ | +6.04 | 64 | 58 |
| #2 | ItzKaizen | +4.76 | 70 | 48 |
| #3 | D R A G O N | +3.57 | 55 | 62 |
| #4 | Plain Lane | +2.77 | 54 | 37 |
| #5 | BOT Sadwater | +1.66 | 50 | 25 |





