








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
609 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,644 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 611 | 23% |
| Smokes | 766 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 741 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 526 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $130,737 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JETT MAIN(VAL>CS) | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | CYKO | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Cev-Men | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | FluffEnjoyer69 | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | MaidEnjoyer69 | 2 | 0.0084 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JETT MAIN(VAL>CS) | 238 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | CYKO | 142 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | FluffEnjoyer69 | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Speedfreak15558 | 46 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | JiggleEnjoyer69 | 44 | 0.26 | 1 min |





