








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 452 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1545 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 860 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1475 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1145 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 745 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $672,892 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DefDeef | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | LoaF | 50% | 16 |
| #3 | RandomGuyNL | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | Spuckie14 | 43% | 47 |
| #5 | Nethermonke | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Björn | 33% | 39 |
| #7 | Trash | 32% | 19 |
| #8 | Oppashulp Connie | 29% | 17 |
| #9 | KASSIS | 23% | 26 |
| #10 | The Kidney Snatcher | 19% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 12 | 0.0329 |
| #2 | Björn | 9 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | KASSIS | 7 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | LoaF | 6 | 0.0199 |
| #5 | The Kidney Snatcher | 5 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LoaF | 38 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | KASSIS | 37 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Oppashulp Connie | 37 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | The Kidney Snatcher | 33 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Nethermonke | 33 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LoaF | +2.98 | 75 | 66 |
| #2 | Nethermonke | +2.69 | 25 | 40 |
| #3 | KASSIS | +2.27 | 74 | 45 |
| #4 | Trash | +1.36 | 79 | 30 |
| #5 | DefDeef | +1.32 | 49 | 29 |





