








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 571 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1462 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,692 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 677 | 18% |
| Smokes | 767 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1247 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1001 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $521,001 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 310 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Douwidius2 | 49% | 86 |
| #2 | Oppashulp Connie | 44% | 84 |
| #3 | Björn | 43% | 126 |
| #4 | KASSIS | 38% | 78 |
| #5 | Trash | 38% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Björn | 43% | 126 |
| #4 | KASSIS | 38% | 78 |
| #5 | Trash | 38% | 80 |
| #6 | loafylow | 36% | 22 |
| #7 | Douwidius1 | 19% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 53 | 0.0346 |
| #2 | Björn | 33 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | Oppashulp Connie | 19 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | KASSIS | 12 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Douwidius2 | 11 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oppashulp Connie | 176 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | KASSIS | 142 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Trash | 136 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | 122 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | loafylow | 73 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KASSIS | +2.49 | 80 | 49 |
| #2 | Trash | +2.11 | 82 | 38 |
| #3 | Douwidius2 | +2.02 | 52 | 57 |
| #4 | Douwidius1 | +1.41 | 60 | 53 |
| #5 | loafylow | +0.36 | 69 | 65 |





