








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 116 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




98 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,717 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1116 | 41% |
| Smokes | 109 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 771 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 721 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $237,189 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 388 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | The Kidney Snatcher | 38% | 80 |
| #8 | Douwidius2 | 36% | 66 |
| #9 | Björn | 33% | 51 |
| #10 | Oppashulp Connie | 32% | 41 |
| #11 | Douwidius1 | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Kidney Snatcher | 19 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Björn | 17 | 0.0167 |
| #3 | KASSIS | 12 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | Oppashulp Connie | 11 | 0.0139 |
| #5 | LoaF | 10 | 0.0351 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Kidney Snatcher | 108 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | KASSIS | 105 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Oppashulp Connie | 90 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | 82 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | loafylow | 73 | 0.20 | 1 min |





