








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 540 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 116 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1483 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,861 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 731 | 26% |
| Smokes | 525 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1328 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 277 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $808,033 of utility $296 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 294 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 45% | 66 |
| #2 | Douwidius2 | 39% | 36 |
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 38% | 78 |
| #4 | loafylow | 38% | 8 |
| #5 | Oppashulp Connie | 37% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 38% | 78 |
| #4 | loafylow | 38% | 8 |
| #5 | Oppashulp Connie | 37% | 41 |
| #6 | Björn | 34% | 41 |
| #7 | Douwidius1 | 23% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 29 | 0.0237 |
| #2 | The Kidney Snatcher | 12 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Oppashulp Connie | 7 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | Björn | 7 | 0.0085 |
| #5 | loafylow | 5 | 0.0323 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trash | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Oppashulp Connie | 102 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 76 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | loafylow | 30 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | loafylow | +2.87 | 76 | 57 |
| #2 | KASSIS | +2.52 | 80 | 48 |
| #3 | Trash | +1.74 | 81 | 31 |
| #4 | Douwidius2 | +0.50 | 48 | 55 |
| #5 | Douwidius1 | -0.13 | 50 | 48 |





