








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 647 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 571 matches | ||
| Faceit | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9268 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,510 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3497 | 18% |
| Smokes | 5298 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5697 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 5018 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,369,135 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cannabis | 60% | 53 |
| #2 | haze | 59% | 54 |
| #3 | Twacune | 56% | 82 |
| #4 | ♠Gl1̡͢t́͟c̷h͠͡♠ | 55% | 44 |
| #5 | Kalashmeister | 54% | 139 |





