








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 823 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 241 | 29% |
| Smokes | 206 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 204 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 172 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $107,886 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ѕυссе$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 47% | 19 |
| #2 | Erich Honecker | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | ledragoon | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Erich Honecker | 44% | 16 |
| #3 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 43% | 28 |
| #4 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | ledragoon | 40% | 10 |
| #6 | Fulcrum | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ѕυссе$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | ledragoon | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 64 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | ѕυссе$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 47 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | ledragoon | 22 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #4 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 19 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Erich Honecker | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ѕυссе$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +6.13 | 79 | 56 |
| #2 | ledragoon | +4.81 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | -0.19 | 41 | 59 |
| #4 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | -0.68 | 30 | 65 |
| #5 | BigBrainNoAim | -2.43 | 26 | 64 |





