








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 690 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 221 matches | ||
| Faceit | 52 matches | ||
| Wingman | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3906 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,462 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3702 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1523 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 2640 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1597 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,087,661 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1668 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 54% | 235 |
| #2 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 50% | 110 |
| #3 | Erich Honecker | 47% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 54% | 235 |
| #2 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 50% | 110 |
| #3 | Erich Honecker | 47% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 11 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Erich Honecker | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 3 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 546 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #2 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 90 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Erich Honecker | 31 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ѕυссе$$$ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +3.62 | 72 | 55 |
| #2 | HighFish¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | -0.33 | 34 | 50 |
| #3 | SpiceThingsUp¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | -1.20 | 32 | 64 |
| #4 | Erich Honecker | -4.89 | 15 | 42 |





