








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 144 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
204 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 89 | 8% |
| Smokes | 289 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 421 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 351 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $151,579 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 271 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Crawdad | 33% | 3 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Palo Devnchenzo ♿ | 21% | 14 |
| #5 | Skyfoogle | 21% | 19 |
| #6 | Lobster | 17% | 18 |
| #7 | Shrimp | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster | 6 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | Josper btw | 2 | 0.0132 |
| #3 | Skyfoogle | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Palo Devnchenzo ♿ | 1 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | Crawdad | 1 | 0.0167 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster | 20 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Skyfoogle | 15 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #3 | Shrimp | 4 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | Crawdad | 4 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Josper btw | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lobster | +0.59 | 43 | 43 |
| #2 | Josper btw | -0.20 | 53 | 9 |
| #3 | Shrimp | -0.57 | 27 | 42 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Palo Devnchenzo ♿ | -0.58 | 27 | 28 |
| #5 | Crawdad | -0.83 | 23 | 14 |





