








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2150 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 743 matches | ||
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 230 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
15081 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 41,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12009 | 29% |
| Smokes | 11024 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 9561 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 8675 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,283,406 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2623 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ Andy Ritter ♿ | 61% | 49 |
| #2 | hauptimaupti | 56% | 123 |
| #3 | Bayreuther Hell | 55% | 134 |
| #4 | PaJz_IXE | 52% | 354 |
| #5 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 52% | 534 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Nate Dogg | 51% | 385 |
| #7 | Septer | 51% | 667 |
| #8 | Ramses | 51% | 295 |
| #9 | InceptxDark | 51% | 575 |
| #10 | Wurstkreatur | 50% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 12 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | InceptxDark | 10 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Septer | 8 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Ramses | 8 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | hauptimaupti | 8 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Septer | 3196 | 0.22 | 97 min |
| #2 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 2100 | 0.18 | 54 min |
| #3 | Nate Dogg | 1525 | 0.19 | 39 min |
| #4 | InceptxDark | 680 | 0.06 | 16 min |
| #5 | Wurstkreatur | 577 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sliN | +3.72 | 90 | 75 |
| #2 | Ramses | +0.60 | 78 | 44 |
| #3 | ⭕⃤ Andy Ritter ♿ | +0.51 | 75 | 67 |
| #4 | Nate Dogg | -0.08 | 73 | 71 |
| #5 | Septer | -0.35 | 73 | 75 |





