








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 706 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 468 matches | ||
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6054 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,455 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2967 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3936 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 5720 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 3832 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,372,574 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hauptimaupti | 59% | 73 |
| #2 | Bayreuther Hell | 55% | 92 |
| #3 | Wurstkreatur | 54% | 118 |
| #4 | PaJz_IXE | 53% | 210 |
| #5 | Nate Dogg | 51% | 239 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Septer | 51% | 468 |
| #7 | sliN | 51% | 575 |
| #8 | Ramses | 50% | 121 |
| #9 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 49% | 390 |
| #10 | pandarox | 45% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sliN | 11 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 9 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Septer | 6 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Nate Dogg | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | PaJz_IXE | 5 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Septer | 2284 | 0.22 | 69 min |
| #2 | sliN | 2166 | 0.17 | 61 min |
| #3 | ☢︎BONOBOrUSHB® | 1575 | 0.19 | 40 min |
| #4 | Nate Dogg | 981 | 0.19 | 24 min |
| #5 | Wurstkreatur | 469 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sliN | +3.73 | 90 | 77 |
| #2 | Ramses | +0.53 | 78 | 42 |
| #3 | Nate Dogg | -0.01 | 74 | 71 |
| #4 | Septer | -0.32 | 72 | 77 |
| #5 | Wurstkreatur | -0.32 | 78 | 74 |





