








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 395 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 445 matches | ||
| Premier | 108 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4449 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,974 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7452 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4959 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 6491 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5072 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,277,849 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 53 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ Andy Ritter ♿ | 59% | 39 |
| #2 | hauptimaupti | 58% | 57 |
| #3 | PaJz_IXE | 57% | 189 |
| #4 | Wurstkreatur | 55% | 74 |
| #5 | Bayreuther Hell | 55% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Ramses | 52% | 175 |
| #8 | sliN | 52% | 534 |
| #9 | unlUCkylUke | 51% | 37 |
| #10 | Nate Dogg | 50% | 217 |
| #11 | InceptxDark | 49% | 390 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramses | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | sliN | 8 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Septer | 4 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | InceptxDark | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | unlUCkylUke | 4 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Septer | 1964 | 0.21 | 58 min |
| #2 | sliN | 1914 | 0.17 | 53 min |
| #3 | Nate Dogg | 850 | 0.18 | 23 min |
| #4 | InceptxDark | 461 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #5 | Wurstkreatur | 261 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sliN | +3.85 | 90 | 75 |
| #2 | Ramses | +1.05 | 78 | 45 |
| #3 | unlUCkylUke | +0.68 | 76 | 59 |
| #4 | Nate Dogg | +0.18 | 75 | 69 |
| #5 | ⭕⃤ Andy Ritter ♿ | +0.18 | 72 | 71 |





