








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 161 matches | ||
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,556 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2197 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1531 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1923 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 905 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,338 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | LeGahSee | 56% | 16 |
| #7 | Netscape | 56% | 25 |
| #8 | ุุุBAREFOOTER | 53% | 15 |
| #9 | n0MAD | 52% | 27 |
| #10 | mattybur | 51% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mattybur | 283 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | Qlipzi | 279 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | BibleClinger | 197 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #4 | n0MAD | 88 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | ุุุBAREFOOTER | 51 | 0.15 | 1 min |





