








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 660 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 635 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6862 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,103 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3340 | 17% |
| Smokes | 3909 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 6681 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 5173 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,580,156 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 910 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kassie | 50% | 138 |
| #2 | DieBomYsterKatrol | 49% | 72 |
| #3 | Darkness III | 49% | 103 |
| #4 | ☣C≡N☣ - NIKKIE | 48% | 135 |
| #5 | woLK | 48% | 161 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kassie | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | PappaAppel | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | woLK | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Tyson | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ☣C≡N☣ - 1m@ssa | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☣Cyanide☣SoLλce ZA™ | 432 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | Darkness III | 427 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #3 | Tyson | 405 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #4 | Kassie | 273 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | woLK | 258 | 0.08 | 7 min |





