








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,303 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 303 | 23% |
| Smokes | 511 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 294 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 195 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $208,404 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SSquirrel_69 | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | 𝓓𝓲𝓭𝓭𝔂 | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | Jorma Mällinen | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | Big Snoopy | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Woodstock | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒾𝒶 | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | Natural.Born.Tweaker | 26% | 27 |
| #9 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | 24% | 34 |
| #10 | Enga-E | 22% | 27 |
| #11 | Mysticus | 14% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mysticus | 13 | 0.0226 |
| #2 | Nautica (naughty nigga) | 7 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | Jorma Mällinen | 6 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | 𝓓𝓲𝓭𝓭𝔂 | 6 | 0.0167 |
| #5 | 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒾𝒶 | 6 | 0.0313 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerome Requois | 167 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mysticus | 151 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #3 | 𝓓𝓲𝓭𝓭𝔂 | 73 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | 𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒾𝒶 | 64 | 0.33 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jorma Mällinen | 58 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jorma Mällinen | +4.37 | 76 | 39 |
| #2 | 𝓓𝓲𝓭𝓭𝔂 | +3.93 | 42 | 42 |
| #3 | Enga-E | +2.79 | 82 | 42 |
| #4 | SSquirrel_69 | +1.41 | 54 | 54 |
| #5 | Jerome Requois | +1.19 | 49 | 54 |





