








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
578 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,415 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 245 | 17% |
| Smokes | 462 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 477 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 231 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,338 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | acai | 83% | 18 |
| #2 | pogo | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | the ball formulator | 67% | 30 |
| #4 | quando rondo | 65% | 23 |
| #5 | Ahreeeeee | 58% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | quando rondo | 65% | 23 |
| #5 | Ahreeeeee | 58% | 12 |
| #6 | Aman18 | 53% | 15 |
| #7 | kikikiki | 45% | 11 |
| #8 | P E S T O B O I | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P E S T O B O I | 6 | 0.0141 |
| #2 | the ball formulator | 4 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | quando rondo | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | acai | 2 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | pogo | 2 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the ball formulator | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | quando rondo | 46 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | P E S T O B O I | 43 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | pogo | 36 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ahreeeeee | 35 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the ball formulator | +5.36 | 84 | 55 |
| #2 | quando rondo | +4.28 | 82 | 61 |
| #3 | P E S T O B O I | +1.32 | 61 | 57 |
| #4 | acai | +0.07 | 68 | 38 |
| #5 | kikikiki | -0.23 | 43 | 27 |





