








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 820 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 477 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 128 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4808 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,898 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9761 | 24% |
| Smokes | 10013 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 11072 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 9052 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $753,331 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 286 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ank โข | 27 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | BOT YAKUZA | 21 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | ๐๐ฎ๐ท๐ท๐ | 21 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | T รถ k i k e e | 11 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | fitymafรฉk kapitรกny | 10 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ank โข | 827 | 0.17 | 21 min |
| #2 | BOT YAKUZA | 618 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #3 | T รถ k i k e e | 315 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | ๐๐ฎ๐ท๐ท๐ | 198 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | fitymafรฉk kapitรกny | 139 | 0.12 | 2 min |





