








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 99 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 128 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1553 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,760 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 833 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1042 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1290 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1595 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $398,371 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 178 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nova | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | Poxteria | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | Jax | 64% | 39 |
| #4 | swifty | 62% | 13 |
| #5 | TOP50OWEN | 57% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Eclipse | 45% | 11 |
| #10 | bubble | 43% | 14 |
| #11 | Antidote | 42% | 12 |
| #12 | Jordo | 42% | 12 |
| #13 | bazz | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J13K | 4 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | nova | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Poxteria | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Eclipse | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | TOP50OWEN | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TOP50OWEN | 157 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | J13K | 131 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | nova | 118 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jax | 100 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Poxteria | 95 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eclipse | +3.16 | 89 | 61 |
| #2 | J13K | +2.12 | 86 | 66 |
| #3 | nova | +1.30 | 71 | 64 |
| #4 | icarus | +0.94 | 84 | 58 |
| #5 | Jax | +0.69 | 74 | 57 |





