








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4411 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,551 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5835 | 33% |
| Smokes | 4471 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3895 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3350 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $281,097 of utility $36 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 210 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kai | 83% | 23 |
| #2 | pass the awp | 74% | 91 |
| #3 | Aykie | 72% | 104 |
| #4 | TheSpottedHyena | 71% | 111 |
| #5 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 69% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 62% | 127 |
| #12 | Kweezy_ZA | 61% | 61 |
| #13 | Just1ce | 60% | 108 |
| #14 | kinz | 53% | 59 |
| #15 | Ambiguous27 | 46% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 26 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Matty | 14 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | TheSpottedHyena | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Aykie | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Just1ce | 8 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 669 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #2 | kinz | 460 | 0.38 | 13 min |
| #3 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 410 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #4 | Just1ce | 360 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #5 | TheSpottedHyena | 284 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kai | +3.29 | 69 | 50 |
| #2 | Aykie | +2.83 | 91 | 44 |
| #3 | O-Blivius | +2.73 | 80 | 74 |
| #4 | 2kLuZ | +2.46 | 83 | 61 |
| #5 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | +2.39 | 82 | 65 |





