








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1012 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1169 matches | ||
| Wingman | 92 matches | ||
| Faceit | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




148 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
13334 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,718 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6141 | 22% |
| Smokes | 9233 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 6673 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5671 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,790,571 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 455 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | O-Blivius | 74% | 91 |
| #2 | Aykie | 72% | 388 |
| #3 | Concabar | 68% | 78 |
| #4 | HyperE141 | 67% | 325 |
| #5 | TheSpottedHyena | 66% | 822 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | TheSpottedHyena | 66% | 822 |
| #6 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 65% | 228 |
| #7 | Matty | 64% | 204 |
| #8 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 64% | 765 |
| #9 | Kweezy_ZA | 63% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 149 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | Matty | 51 | 0.0113 |
| #3 | TheSpottedHyena | 47 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | HyperE141 | 33 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Aykie | 18 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sammy the Shifting Spanner | 5442 | 0.33 | 120 min |
| #2 | HyperE141 | 2445 | 0.35 | 51 min |
| #3 | TheSpottedHyena | 2058 | 0.12 | 53 min |
| #4 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | 937 | 0.20 | 24 min |
| #5 | Aykie | 661 | 0.08 | 18 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aykie | +3.38 | 87 | 49 |
| #2 | pass the awp | +2.88 | 78 | 53 |
| #3 | O-Blivius | +2.84 | 82 | 77 |
| #4 | Concabar | +2.37 | 79 | 55 |
| #5 | Morgan Freeman The Semen Demon | +1.27 | 78 | 65 |





