








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
392 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 245 | 18% |
| Smokes | 392 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 523 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 197 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $354,995 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ TOXIC | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Ezekiah | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | Wallah Jeg Har En FEd Kebab | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Xsampel | 44% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Don Juan Deag | 9 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | JannickUdenC | 9 | 0.0210 |
| #3 | Kowalski | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Static | 6 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Xsampel | 4 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Static | 141 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Don Juan Deag | 111 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Xsampel | 107 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ezekiah | 74 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kowalski | 41 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | +5.52 | 68 | 52 |
| #2 | ✪ TOXIC | +5.44 | 58 | 45 |
| #3 | Static | +4.13 | 80 | 59 |
| #4 | RhoODo | +3.72 | 90 | 78 |
| #5 | JannickUdenC | +2.54 | 70 | 57 |





