








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 25 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September






The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
968 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,870 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 939 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1606 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 574 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 751 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $227,615 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | 45% | 11 |
| #2 | Culf | 44% | 45 |
| #3 | Don Juan Deag | 44% | 34 |
| #4 | Ezekiah | 44% | 34 |
| #5 | Static | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | PRIVATE | 36% | 25 |
| #10 | ✪ TOXIC | 36% | 25 |
| #11 | NemoTheFishy05 | 30% | 27 |
| #12 | Boeing 767-200 | 20% | 10 |
| #13 | Wallah Jeg Har En FEd Kebab | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kowalski | 15 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Don Juan Deag | 9 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | ✪ TOXIC | 7 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | Static | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | NemoTheFishy05 | 4 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Static | 147 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | Ezekiah | 130 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Don Juan Deag | 98 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Kowalski | 56 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | 56 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ TOXIC | +5.89 | 62 | 43 |
| #2 | Static | +5.13 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | Friendly Neighborhood Femboy | +4.06 | 87 | 55 |
| #4 | JannickUdenC | +2.32 | 71 | 54 |
| #5 | Ezekiah | +1.80 | 52 | 51 |





