








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 411 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3775 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8027 | 45% |
| Smokes | 5723 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2161 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2117 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $183,339 of utility $18 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 329 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | No0b1e | 62% | 29 |
| #2 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | 52% | 81 |
| #3 | Ruskyjb4ndit | 50% | 46 |
| #4 | 9mm Burana | 47% | 379 |
| #5 | Kaleb | 45% | 181 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 9mm Burana | 37 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | 10 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | No0b1e | 9 | 0.0158 |
| #4 | Kaleb | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Ruskyjb4ndit | 6 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaleb | 702 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #2 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | 305 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | 9mm Burana | 282 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #4 | Ruskyjb4ndit | 165 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | No0b1e | 80 | 0.14 | 2 min |





