








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
195 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 428 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 18 | 4% |
| Smokes | 58 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 179 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 173 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $101,407 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VEMSUXD | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | No0b1e | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | 45% | 22 |
| #4 | Strumpetti♿ | 27% | 11 |
| #5 | (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Seasonal Depression ♥ | 27% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Seasonal Depression ♥ | 212 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #2 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | 89 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | Kaleb | 81 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | No0b1e | 35 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | 9mm Burana | 28 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOT 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙕 | +4.02 | 63 | 68 |
| #2 | Kaleb | +2.44 | 69 | 71 |
| #3 | Caraway | +0.72 | 67 | 30 |
| #4 | (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Seasonal Depression ♥ | +0.45 | 56 | 55 |
| #5 | VEMSUXD | -0.85 | 52 | 40 |





