








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1085 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1858 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1455 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1611 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1174 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,921 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Kanounis | 46% | 68 |
| #8 | konffen | 45% | 31 |
| #9 | SipiZ | 44% | 9 |
| #10 | beggert | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | Bruhkoen14 | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KorvN #VAC | 3 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Wolfie | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Bruhkoen14 | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Kanounis | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | konffen | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kanounis | 184 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Wolfie | 164 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | konffen | 146 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | romBlex | 116 | 0.35 | 3 min |
| #5 | KorvN #VAC | 82 | 0.18 | 2 min |





