








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
971 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,425 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1080 | 32% |
| Smokes | 763 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 818 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 764 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $166,968 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 352 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ben69fatmaniac | 67% | 9 |
| #8 | Jammu_BOB benstain | 56% | 27 |
| #9 | Shingeki no Kyojin | 52% | 25 |
| #10 | Hylsy4 | 30% | 10 |
| #11 | Tōkyō Gūru | 28% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tōkyō Gūru | 17 | 0.0204 |
| #2 | Jammu_BOB benstain | 14 | 0.0305 |
| #3 | Shingeki no Kyojin | 9 | 0.0185 |
| #4 | ben69fatmaniac | 6 | 0.0392 |
| #5 | girlskibidi1 | 5 | 0.0417 |





