








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 718 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 491 matches | ||
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4499 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,749 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4708 | 28% |
| Smokes | 5559 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2922 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3560 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,565,920 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1070 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Lax | 48% | 132 |
| #10 | jizzy | 47% | 190 |
| #11 | * Fresh | 36% | 39 |
| #12 | Heemeyer Fabrication | 34% | 53 |
| #13 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 32% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pill Pusher Pushin' P | 14 | 0.0153 |
| #2 | jizzy | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Lax | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | T3rpboy | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | ry^_^ | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lax | 371 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | jizzy | 357 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | dubois.charles | 194 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | tripleman | 169 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 166 | 0.24 | 4 min |





