








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 191 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 126 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1375 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,452 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1735 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1399 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1141 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1177 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $445,983 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 264 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Allahu Akbar | 29% | 7 |
| #14 | Brett.io | 25% | 8 |
| #15 | cabzy | 25% | 8 |
| #16 | sKeLeTr0n | 22% | 9 |
| #17 | Haaky | 0% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5ch0lli | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | sKeLeTr0n | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Yuno | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | IronTony | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | hy | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5ch0lli | 118 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | sKeLeTr0n | 113 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #3 | IronTony | 110 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | mIKEY | 107 | 0.33 | 3 min |
| #5 | hy | 92 | 0.12 | 2 min |





