








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 620 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Faceit | 172 matches | ||
| Wingman | 161 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3346 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4075 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3983 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4482 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2075 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,430,187 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 595 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Devvbot. | 53% | 103 |
| #8 | Dick Dickler | 52% | 48 |
| #9 | Darn | 52% | 169 |
| #10 | Magill | 51% | 71 |
| #11 | smo | 51% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darn | 16 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Devvbot. | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | ⓃⓄⓄⒹⓁⒺⓈ | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Dinner Dumper | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | holsee | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓃⓄⓄⒹⓁⒺⓈ | 323 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | holsee | 314 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | Darn | 295 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | Magill | 281 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #5 | Devvbot. | 241 | 0.11 | 6 min |





