








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 435 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 326 matches | ||
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,030 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4601 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6525 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 3710 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4194 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,274,762 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 317 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magill | 59% | 90 |
| #2 | DaFunk | 58% | 48 |
| #3 | reap | 58% | 81 |
| #4 | smo | 57% | 96 |
| #5 | ⓃⓄⓄⒹⓁⒺⓈ | 55% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓃⓄⓄⒹⓁⒺⓈ | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | krist0ph3r | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Darn | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | reap | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | DaFunk | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⓃⓄⓄⒹⓁⒺⓈ | 417 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Magill | 402 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #3 | krist0ph3r | 361 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | DaFunk | 174 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | smo | 160 | 0.08 | 5 min |





