








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 476 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 112 matches | ||
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,962 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3531 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2644 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2013 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2774 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $917,400 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 668 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | philerson | 69% | 35 |
| #2 | Pandemic Express | 64% | 44 |
| #3 | n3b[s] | 61% | 41 |
| #4 | HEMANNN | 60% | 45 |
| #5 | TPK Void | 57% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Envy | 50% | 24 |
| #9 | TheTrustFundGamer | 48% | 33 |
| #10 | testicular torsion | 44% | 18 |
| #11 | Key_On | 41% | 41 |
| #12 | Obamna | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 16 | 0.0139 |
| #2 | lanimal | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | TPK Void | 5 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Obamna | 5 | 0.0124 |
| #5 | Key_On | 4 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lanimal | 382 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| #2 | HEMANNN | 256 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | 153 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | n3b[s] | 149 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | TPK Void | 108 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hux | +2.93 | 84 | 62 |
| #2 | HEMANNN | +1.17 | 75 | 57 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | +0.65 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | n3b[s] | +0.37 | 79 | 53 |
| #5 | lanimal | -0.42 | 79 | 58 |





