








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 284 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,217 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1604 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1228 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1013 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1372 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $411,440 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | testicular torsion | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | hux | 57% | 49 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | 46% | 192 |
| #4 | philerson | 46% | 101 |
| #5 | The Backyardigooners | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | philerson | 46% | 101 |
| #5 | The Backyardigooners | 43% | 23 |
| #6 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 42% | 269 |
| #7 | BootyCakeBandit | 37% | 19 |
| #8 | Obamna | 35% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 104 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | Obamna | 42 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | 14 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | hux | 13 | 0.0138 |
| #5 | philerson | 6 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pandemic Express | 629 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | 248 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | philerson | 204 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | hux | 152 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | testicular torsion | 72 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hux | +9.31 | 87 | 62 |
| #2 | Pandemic Express | +3.34 | 71 | 58 |
| #3 | testicular torsion | +1.94 | 76 | 67 |
| #4 | BootyCakeBandit | +1.82 | 49 | 31 |
| #5 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | +0.49 | 52 | 32 |





