








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 348 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




149 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2663 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 870 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1186 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1706 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 826 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $293,714 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 331 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | testicular torsion | 61% | 36 |
| #2 | hux | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | 46% | 226 |
| #4 | philerson | 44% | 121 |
| #5 | TPK Void | 42% | 269 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | philerson | 44% | 121 |
| #5 | TPK Void | 42% | 269 |
| #6 | BootyCakeBandit | 40% | 20 |
| #7 | Obamna | 37% | 191 |
| #8 | The Backyardigooners | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Obamna | 60 | 0.0161 |
| #2 | TPK Void | 39 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Pandemic Express | 20 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | hux | 17 | 0.0148 |
| #5 | philerson | 9 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pandemic Express | 709 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | TPK Void | 478 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | philerson | 283 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | hux | 179 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | testicular torsion | 78 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hux | +8.88 | 87 | 61 |
| #2 | Pandemic Express | +3.30 | 71 | 60 |
| #3 | testicular torsion | +2.12 | 78 | 64 |
| #4 | BootyCakeBandit | +0.69 | 57 | 35 |
| #5 | Ranga Touched My Nephew | +0.49 | 52 | 33 |





