








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1840 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1473 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2070 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1800 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1532 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $109,294 of utility $23 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FkN | rollin' | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | FkN | penjamin franklin | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | BL1TZ8URG | 42% | 12 |
| #4 | salsa | 39% | 28 |
| #5 | Mj2.WasteOfSpace | 37% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mj2.WasteOfSpace | 7 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | FkN | penjamin franklin | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Ron Jeremy | 2 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | swagboy2000 ⛟♿ | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | FkN | rollin' | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | salsa | 37 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #2 | FkN | Dingle Berry | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | BL1TZ8URG | 22 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | FkN | rollin' | 21 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | FkN | penjamin franklin | 19 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swagboy2000 ⛟♿ | +1.75 | 63 | 36 |
| #2 | FkN | rollin' | +1.41 | 64 | 47 |
| #3 | FkN | Dingle Berry | +0.24 | 49 | 38 |
| #4 | salsa | +0.15 | 15 | 46 |
| #5 | Mj2.WasteOfSpace | +0.02 | 56 | 7 |





