










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 281 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




113 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
932 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,509 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1052 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1006 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1025 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 426 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $721,775 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 307 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dog of Leader | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | SvampGösta | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Bablino | 41% | 71 |
| #4 | BALzACK | 38% | 120 |
| #5 | UberEats Lammet | 33% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALzACK | 694 | 0.29 | 16 min |
| #2 | UberEats Lammet | 292 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bablino | 203 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dog of Leader | 58 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | SvampGösta | 30 | 0.13 | 1 min |





